It's A Wonderful World

Today, I've come to the realization that as horrible and shitty as my book seems now, serious editing will make it better. And one day it will be a beautiful thing, a true work of art, if it's the last thing I do.

I've been a bit novel-depressed the past couple days. See, currently I'm writing a short series of chapters which contain quite a few law elements and other things involving the judicial system (before you ask, G is not a serial killer. He's just kind of... rebellious. And besides, most of this law stuff has nothing to do with him), which I know barely anything about, and so the chapters are extremely hard to get accurate, speed-writing as I am. Despite the fact that it's only my first draft, instances like this one never, ever fail to make me feel like a grossly incompetent, sloppy writer. I just cannot seem to get it into my thick skull that there will be editing, and lots of it. What I'm writing right now is most certainly not what I'll be sending in to my publisher.

Feeling like a horrible writer makes most writers' confidence go down a few pegs, and I'm sad to say that I didn't escape this predicament. I was uninspired. I wanted to take the printed chapters of my book and throw them against the wall. Yesterday, I actually asked myself if the story was too far gone down the crappy route to be continued, and the fact that I would have even for a mere millsecond considered breaking my pledge to Never, Ever Abandon "Life" scares me to no end.

This morning, I still felt pretty crappy about my story. But when I got home from class, something weird happened. I thought to myself, perhaps subconsciously, "Maybe I need to stop forcing it. Maybe I just need to concentrate on something else for today. I can forget, just for one day, that I'm a writer."

So that's what I did. Today, I wasn't a writer, but rather an activist.

I spent the entire afternoon, from half past noon till five o'clock, getting things done for the BPD Feature Project. I fixed the group's name, pasted the link on a few websites, drafted a letter to Randi Kreger (founder of BPD Central), and last, but not least... made a video to Dr. Phil. That last one took me about two hours, but it was two hours well-spent.

At the end of the day, I was left with an accomplished feeling. I felt good about what I was doing, and rather like I could move mountains, if I tried.

Am I really going to let three "difficult" chapters stand in my way? No. No, I am most certainly not. I will write these chapters, and they might be awful... but they're not written in stone. I have to remember that, or else I'll never move forward.

I realized another very important thing today: that although I am perhaps not the person most gifted with words, and wording, and phrases and expressions; although I am not the best writer out there; although I sometimes feel like my writing and chapter plots are sloppy and amateur, even despite it being the first draft... I do know one thing for sure.

All clumsiness aside, I can tell one hell of a story.

And you can call it bragging if that's what you want to call it, I'm perfectly fine with that. That knowledge is what keeps me going sometimes, and to me, that's all that matters.

6 days till Montreal, or the dilemmas of a pre-med novelist.

Things to do:
- French assignment due tomorrow
- Statistics homework due Friday (technically next Wednesday, but I kind of won't be in the province...)
- Go to the mall and get money out for cafe with WFA/bus tomorrow
- Figure out what bus to take from university to cafe with WFA
- Make an appointment with the Dean of Sciences to ask him if I need to take those 10 extra pre-med courses or not (I'm hoping NOT, because the list contains math)
- Read the next chapter of psych
- Re-read my anatomy notes so that I actually don't fail my next test.
- Draft an e-mail to BPDcentral for the BPD Feature Project (the BPD Info site has generously agreed to forward it for me)
- Do dishes for mom
- Figure out whether or not WFA wants to come with me to the NaNoWriMo writing retreat in Fredericton
- Make a packing list for Montreal
- Find someone, ANYONE to switch my 12-8 shift next Saturday with
- Work on Chapter 42!!

See what happened there? Writing is the last thing on my list. Lately, it seems like writing is ALWAYS the last thing on my list. And I really need to fix that, to make time for my story, if I want to have the slightest chance to have Part II done by November 1st.

What I need is better time management. But how do I make time to find ways to manage time when there's barely enough time to do everything else? *rubs temples*

One thing's for sure: university students always need to juggle things. It becomes more complicated, I'd say, when the university student is question is trying to get into a graduate medical school that only accepts 30 people a year. Oh yeah, and she writes books, too!

Sometimes, writing HAS to take the back burner. It's part of "growing up", in a sense. When I was in grade 11, I had little else to do but write. Now, I have responsibilities. I have homework, tests every other week, and studying that I actually need to do. I can't just slip by like I did in high school - those days are over.

So I accept it. I do what I need to do, and sometimes, I steal away a few precious minutes to write down a good idea. To imagine a scene between friends, enemies, or lovers, or wannabe-lovers. To tell myself, "the weekend's coming! You can sit down at the computer with a nice cup of HT and write all day."

I accept that now, writing's not the only thing - and hell, it may not even be the most important thing. I accept it... but very seldom do I like it.


I'll update again later, hopefully having crossed a few things off that epic massive list!

Publication and Plea

Click the title to see the webpage of Scribblers and Ink Spillers, LLC. Their October issue of Emerald Tales magazine was just released, and it contains my poem, This Mask I Wear. :) This is my third poem to be published, and I'm excited about its release! Emerald Tales also contains several other wonderful, compelling short works, so if you would like to purchase a copy, please visit the webpage! The magazine is available in both print and electronic formats.



Things are going somewhat slowly on my end, but well nonetheless. School has started up again, so my time for writing is limited. However, I'm not about to let my fancy-snazzy psychiatric studies stop me from getting to Part III of the novel in time for National Novel Writing Month! Which I do religiously every year! (This year's profile: http://http//www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/406001)

So, just as soon as I've finished this post, I'm off to finish Chapter 41-Chapter 42. I have two hours and twenty-five minutes left before I am forced to get up and get ready for work, but I'll let you know how it goes. :) Chapter 41 is very nearly done, and Chapter 42 is about halfway, so unless some sort of natural disaster happens here it really should be no problem.

I'm pumped!

I can't wait for NaNo, absolutely not!

And apparently someone up there really, really feels my urgency to get to the end of Chapter 60, because my mom and I have managed to score two tickets to go see MIKA in Montreal. You know what that means...

MIKA? YAY? - Well, that too.

But mostly, it means that the drive from N.B. to Montreal is approximately 10 hours. And the drive from Montreal to N.B. is also 10 hours. So that, my friends, means 20 hours of absolutely nothing to do but WRITE. PART. II. And listen to my grandparents' forties country music in the van, but that's an utterly different story.

Awesome.

I'm excited.

As long as I have my coffee, I CAN STAY AWAKE. Which is why I will be ordering this: https://store.lettersandlight.org/merchandise/nanowrimo-brown-travel-mug with much due haste. Because I CAN DO IT.

So my goal is to finish at least up to Chapter 45 before October 13th, when we leave for Montreal. And considering I'm almost done Chapter 41, I CAN DO THAT, TOO.

Yay! Realistic goals ftw!



Alright, guys... so before I go, there's one more thing I wanted to mention.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=100174976965&ref=ts

The link above will bring you to The BPD Feature Project's Facebook group. If you would like to help bring awareness to a severe mental illness, please join us. Our goal is to convince Dr. Phil to feature borderline personality disorder (G's mental illness) on his show. If he does, that would certainly kick up the general knowledge a few knotches! So again, if you have Facebook, please join. It's a very simple process and won't take a lot of your time.



And with that, I'm off to write! :) Have a nice day, everyone.

Love, N.L.